i applied for some bar jobs today and then c. went out for a drink with some friends but i stayed home to be productive/pro-active for the job training i have on thursday and the job interview i have tomorrow. (i am almost broke.) instead i ended up watching my best friend's convocation on a live webcast and talking to e.

talking to him is closest to talking to my dad - in a hopefully not creepy way - just in the sense that i feel like the person i am in both cases may be the best of me, but it is not the truest me. with my dad it is getting to be less and less like this, but with e. it is still the same. i am me, but it is an artful, not a natural me. anyway, he is starting a blog (big surprise) and it got me thinking about my old diary and his old diary, where we used to send coded, cryptic messages to each other, passive-aggressively when we were fighting, and then i slept with his best friend and he stopped updating all together.

apparently that happened five years minus one day ago. (this really isn't where i meant to go with this entry but) this is what i found from five years (and forty minutes) ago today: june 9, 2005 at 12:18 a.m.

have i ever really been happy being happy? or have i always just been looking for the next twist in the novel-plot of my life?