most of the time i don't really think about religion. i was raised in probably one of the most latently religious households you can imagine. christmas is a high holiday about family traditions and presents; when i visit my grandma i have to go to church, but i haven't been baptised or confirmed, nor have i ever confessed, and i didn't even know the non-secular version of easter until university. i guess i am what you would call an agnostic. i certainly pray to somebody everytime i lose my keys (which means i can rival the most devout muslim at 5x a day), and i don't think that all of you just stays in the ground once you die, but for the most part i figure that any way i try to formulate this now is bound to be wrong. when i die, i am hoping that it will all become clear and i won't have to struggle to link it to any of my lived preconceptions about how the whole thing was supposed to go. (basically this is my procrastination technique applied to the afterlife.)

what i do know, is that none of the models of religion i have so far been presented with are satisfactory to me. i especially can't get behind anything with an origin myth that goes, "so it was all the woman's fault...". and normally this doesn't bother me. but when i read something like this, that,

"as a religious problem, the problem of suffering is paradoxically, not how to avoid suffering but how to suffer, how to make of physical pain, personal loss, wordly defeat, or the helpless contemplation of others' agony something bearable, supportable--something, as we say, sufferable"

it makes me think that if i have been able to go twenty three years with nary a second thought to the justification of such things, then i spend too much time thinking about other shit that doesn't matter, and that my life has been pretty goddamn motherfucking easy so far.