also, when i was talking to e. about how i thought this was the end - a couple of months ago, the first time i thought it was the end - he said that i should just get it over with and that he hates when girls draw out breakups and goodbyes--- which is when i thought, fuck you i will deal with the demise of this relationship any way i please, and that, i think now, was one of the first steps of my ceasing to think about him so fondly, like there was something still there.