i've given up on trying to get up with him because i know he likes a half hour to himself before i wake and reach for my coffee. we eat breakfast together and talk about our days, and i try hard not to hold him too tightly. he holds my toes under the table, or traces his fingers on my shoulders after i've pulled him back to bed. i'd throw myself into it if i thought he would catch me, but i hold myself a little bit apart so that he has to reach for me instead. i don't know if this is his problem or mine.

at the very least, it's summer here now. thirty degrees but cooler in my apartment, and it makes me want to go looking for adventure, it makes me want to run barefoot on dirt paths, it makes me want to dive into clear canadian lakes. even though there's not enough of me to do everything i want to do, i don't feel like i am not enough, just that i'm taking my time. i'm turning 25 in a little less than two weeks, and i honestly don't really mind getting older.