i'm trying to quit smoking (cigarettes) without telling anyone, so that if i fail, i haven't really failed. its been 24 hours, so i've foregone after dinner and post-breakfast smokes so far, but i haven't really been tested until i've sat in a bar with a beer and three friends light up in front of me. i don't know if i'll make it that far. i don't know if i'll make it this time. i've got 20 pages to write by tomorrow and there's a cigarette vending machine less than 10 meters from my door. i live in a country that - i'm pretty sure - keeps down the costs of its social welfare by letting us all smoke ourselves to death: inside, outside, young and old alike. for �3.80 a pack.