he asked me, "why is it always me who has to change?" and i didn't know how to answer in a way that seemed fair. he's right to ask; i understand what he means. but what answer is there? is it because i'm always trying to be right for him? is it because i can't just be happy with the way things are? i ask for things because i don't want to settle for not getting what i need. i need him to touch me. i don't mean to change him, or even to want him to change, but i can't and won't and wouldn't change that about myself either. and yesterday, i wasn't trying to back him into a corner; i wasn't trying to twist his arm, but if i could make him happy, i would, and it would have made me very happy to hear those three words from him right then, with my name. glottal stop.