yesterday would have been my 7 year anniversary with c. (if we hadn't broken up two years ago) and when he called me to ask if we could have dinner or watch movies, i said no. it doesn't feel right to continue to commemorate something with c. anymore. i want him to move on so that he can be happy, and i know that what we've got now is both unique and weird, important to both of us, but probably unhealthy.

and i've got r. and i really like him. i really really like him. i don't want to fuck things up with him. he calls me darling, but i'm still looking for something to call him.