when i was home, in the winter, (for almost 3 months right before i came here) l. and a. and i had a List. all of the things that we didn't want to talk about lest they intrude on the inimitable giggling-glee that comes over us when we are together were on it: their mother, my leaving, uni, cheating, jobs, infinity, plans more than a week away, me & c., the far far future, etc.

i came home for christmas december 14th and then i didn't leave again for two and a half whole months. it was the longest christmas holiday of my life. then i came back here-- to be thrown full on into 24 hour living in the realm of the List. i am doing a pointless master's, i don't have a job, and i had stopped believing in the viability of my relationship.

i'm done with it. i'm bringing back the list. i am getting rid of my five year plan. i don't know what we're doing right now but it feels good and i don't want to think about the hard parts anymore!