there've been three people in my pants in the last ten days: r., m., & t. it's beginning to feel like a bit of a high traffic area. it's not romantic. the only one i really ever have the desire to see again is r. and i don't even know what for.

e. is home for christmas, but somehow the first time that i have been single since high school has coincided with the first time that he has had a girlfriend in a while.

i know-- i know-- i know i don't know what i want. the only thing i am missing at the moment is the tummy flips. i guess i just want the beginning of love back. but i don't want love again. not yet.