to what extent is attaching yourself to other people during your depression appropriate? i can't tell if i'm reaching out for his hand or just dragging him down like a desperate swimmer. i feel like i'm being selfish and like i'm settling, and i feel like keeping it a secret. i can't tell what he feels, but i probably don't have the right to make him feel anything, really.

if i don't feel good about it, then i should know by now just not to do it, but the thing is that even not feeling good about this feels so much better than what i was feeling (or not feeling) before. and it is good, and warm, and healthy-- for my body, at least.