two weeks ago my former winter-lover called me up and came by to fix my bike seat. we hadn't seen each other since i called him out of lonely desperation and he told me he liked a girl. his visit that sunday was his lonely desperate call. she's seeing someone else.

her loss is my gain. he hasn't slept at home in two weeks.

it's getting on spring here-- for so long, i was the one pushing and guarding and keeping people far from my heart. right now i feel like i'm tentatively opening a gate. even though i know it's dangerous outside. even though i know he doesn't even want to come in. slowly but surely it's getting warm outside, and it's nice in here, and i don't want to be alone. slowly but surely it's turning to spring, seventeen degree saturday, and after all of my pushing and pushing away, i guess it is also my turn to want more than he's willing to give.